


Happy Birthday

by miesber



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:15:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6624673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miesber/pseuds/miesber
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trial was over and Robert's birthday was approaching, but was it even worth celebrating?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this before we knew the date of the trial and reunion, so I guess this is sort of a post-trial/reunion AU.

_21st April 2016_

“Champagnes all round!” Chas practically shouted the second they all entered the pub. Apparently Gordon's guilty verdict was cause for celebration, but Robert had his suspicions that a big do was the last thing Aaron wanted at the moment.

Aaron had been strangely quiet since they had left the court, having barely said a word to Robert before he went off in the car with Chas and Cain. Robert couldn’t even begin to imagine what had been going through his mind after the verdict was read out. He wasn’t expecting Aaron to be beaming with happiness, but to be honest, he had thought he would seem a bit more relieved. After a moment of shock Aaron had instead closed himself off completely and tried to avoid everyone around him until he was out of there and safely inside his uncle’s car.

Robert had just looked on, worried, wanting to know what was going through Aaron’s mind and why he was still trying to hide away from the world. If anything, he had thought Gordon being found guilty would’ve finally made him feel free, and finally made him stop hiding from his happiness.

But now that they were all back in the Woolpack Aaron looked just as closed off as he had done at the court. Once he entered the pub he had hurried towards the back room, probably wanting to escape all the attention, but before he could get away Chas had dragged him into her arms, giving him a big hug before placing a pint in his hand and telling him to go and sit down with his best mate.

Robert just looked on from the doorway as Aaron sat down in the booth next to Adam, with Cain and Moira sitting across from them. He looked on as they gave Aaron careful smiles and tried to make light conversation. Aaron barely seemed to pay them any attention as he looked intensely down at his pint, and all Robert could think of was how much he wanted to sit down next to him and lay a comforting arm around his shoulders.

This probably wasn't the time and place for that, though. Aaron's head must've been all over the place at the moment and the last thing he needed was Robert pushing for too much, too soon. He wanted to get things right this time around. He wanted Aaron to know that he would always be there for him, but he didn't want to crowd him, so he settled for watching from a distance. He went over to the bar instead and took a seat, gladly accepting the drink Victoria handed to him.

“You alright?” she asked quietly, leaning over from across the bar in order to get closer to Robert.

“Yeah, course. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Dunno,” she shrugged. “You just don’t seem very happy, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I am. What’s there not to be happy about?”

He _was_ happy. Happy that Gordon had finally been proven as the monster he was. Happy that Aaron could finally move on with his life. Happy that Aaron would finally have a shot at being happy himself.

“Then what are you doing sat here moping by yourself?” Vic asked, trying to sound as lighthearted as possible, but Robert could tell that she was serious.

“I’m not moping.” He really wasn’t. Why would he be? He was happy. This was the day they had all been waiting for for months and it went exactly like they had hoped. There was no reason not to be happy.

“Alright,” Vic just said and shrugged again, but she still looked sceptically over at Robert. He just ignored her though, and took a big sip of his pint, trying to get it across to his sister that he wasn’t in the mood for a big chat.

Eventually Vic turned her attention to where Aaron was sitting and Robert couldn’t help following her gaze to see Adam excitedly patting Aaron’s back as he was trying to down the last remains of his pint. “I’m so happy today went Aaron’s way,” Vic continued absent mindedly. “I was really worried there for a while, you know. I know these sort of cases often don’t get justice, especially when it happened so long ago. I was so relieved when Adam rang me, you know. This is the best birthday present Adam could’ve wished for. I can’t even begin to imagine how Aaron must be feeling right now.”

“Mhm,” Robert couldn’t really pay attention to Vic’s ramblings at the moment. Not when Aaron was still looking as closed off as earlier. It was subtler now, but with the distraction of his pint gone, Robert could see that Aaron was at a loss of what to do. He was still looking down at the empty glass as he drummed his fingers on the table without seeming to take any notice of what was going on around him.

“Speaking of birthdays,” Vic continued, and Robert had to let out a groan in annoyance at what he knew was coming. “You didn’t think I had forgotten about your big three-o tomorrow, did you?”

“I wish,” Robert sighed and reluctantly turned his attention back on his little sister.

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun!” Vic was all of a sudden beaming cheerfully, which Robert found completely inappropriate in the wake of today’s events. “Have you got anything planned or do I have to throw something together last minute?”

“You don’t need to do anything, Vic.” This was hardly the time for planning a birthday party anyway.

“Don’t be silly, after everything that’s been going on lately you need a proper do!” she exclaimed, a little too excitedly for Robert’s liking. “Take the whole afternoon off and I’ll make all the arrangements.”

Robert eventually let out a reluctant “thanks” not wanting to disappoint his sister, but he didn’t feel like taking part in her excitement either. He guessed he could live with a little get-together if it was really that important to her, though. It wasn’t like he had anything planned for tomorrow anyway.

It was weird, though, turning 30. He was dreading it, to be honest, and would’ve gladly just skipped the day all together. What did he even have to celebrate? He was recently divorced, practically unemployed and sleeping in his little sister’s box room. Hardly where he had imagined himself at 30. He was supposed to have the big house, flash cars, good job, hot wife and 2.5 children by now. The family he had always dreamt of. The life he had always longed for. The achievements that would finally make his father proud of him.

But all that was nowhere to be found. This time last year he was well on his way to reach his goal of getting the life he had always wanted, but of course he had to go and screw it up. Ever the failure, Robert was. He was always going to be the disappointment his dad always knew he was, so what was the point of even trying?

The strangest thing, though, was that he didn’t even miss it anymore. He didn’t miss Chrissie and he certainly didn’t miss her family. Sure, he would still like the money and the flash cars, but the life he had spent his whole life longing for was not what he wanted anymore. It wasn’t what he missed.

All he missed was Aaron. He never knew it was possible to miss someone so much. So intensely. Sure, he still missed his parents more than anything, but Aaron was different. This was a different kind of longing and a different kind of loss. Aaron was right there, and yet still so far away.

The months after he had lost everything had been some of the worst and scariest moments of his life. The isolation and loneliness overwhelming him. Lying in that hospital bed for weeks on end, knowing that someone out there had been willing to kill him had been unbearable, but it had made him finally having to own up to his feelings. There was no denying it anymore. All he had been thinking was _it can’t be him_. Aaron was the one person Robert couldn’t handle hating him. He was the only person who mattered. The only person he couldn’t ever let go of.

But Aaron deserved better. He had always deserved better, and it was Robert’s own fault for not realising it sooner. For not fully appreciating what he had until it was gone. He understood, after everything he had done, that Aaron never wanted to see him again. He understood it, but he still couldn’t accept it. He still couldn’t let him go. Not again. Not after he had realised what life without Aaron would be like. How empty it would feel. How meaningless it would be.

And now, his 30th birthday was approaching and he was closer to Aaron than he could ever imagine he'd be just a few months ago. So close, but not nearly close enough. He had been trying so hard lately to prove to Aaron how much he meant to him and how much Aaron could trust him, and he hoped that Aaron knew. That Aaron believed him when he told him he loved him and that he was worth it. Aaron was worth everything and Robert needed him to know that. He was desperate for Aaron to understand how loved he was, even if he couldn't love Robert the same way.

He understood why Aaron just wanted them to be mates, especially with everything he had been going through, but Robert had no idea what to expect of the future. It was a bit scary thinking that tomorrow he’d be 30, but he had no idea what the future would bring. He had no idea what his life would be like even a few months down the line. The lack of a well thought out life plan was what scared Robert the most. He hadn’t felt this lost and uncertain since his dad had banished him from the village and left him without a penny to his name.

Now, all he wanted to do was imagining himself being with Aaron. That’s all he had been able to think about for months, but what was more important was what Aaron wanted, and Robert really wasn’t sure anymore. It had shocked him when Aaron had said he wanted to be with him back when they had gone to look for Sandra. It was the last thing Robert had thought was on Aaron’s mind. He was so happy that Aaron finally trusted him enough to want to be with him again, but then Robert had ended up breaking that trust anyway.

And now they were just mates. A strange situation that Robert had never found himself in before. Robert didn’t do mates, and especially not with people he was in love with. But this was Aaron, and he deserved whatever he wanted. Whatever he needed. And if what he needed from Robert was to just be mates then Robert was going to give it a damn good try.

Aaron was standing up now, catching Robert’s attention the second he started to move. He took his empty glass to the bar and Robert expected him to ask for a refill, but before anyone could approach him, he managed to duck out of the back door that lead to the car park.

“Maybe you should go after him,” Vic said, looking concerned between Robert and the door that Aaron had just walked through.

Maybe he should. He wanted to give Aaron the space he had obviously wanted, but he also wanted to help. He knew first hand how bad things could get for Aaron if no one confronted him with the feelings he was trying to run away from, and if there was anything Robert was certain of, it was that he was never going to let things get that bad for Aaron again.

So he went after him. He didn’t care what Aaron wanted anymore, all that mattered was what he needed, and Robert was sure that continuing to bottle everything up was the last thing he needed. He was still at a loss for what was wrong, though. Gordon had been found guilty. Everything had gone Aaron’s way. Surely things couldn’t be that bad.

“Hey.”

When Robert came outside Aaron was leaning against the wall and looking down at the ground, not seeming fazed by Robert’s greeting. “How you doin’?” He knew it was a stupid question, but he needed something to break the ice.

To Robert’s surprise, though, Aaron let out a slight chuckle at Robert's words before turning towards him. “Yeah, I’m great. Can’t you tell?” And there it was. The sarcasm Robert had gotten so used to over the last year and a half. Yet another part of Aaron he couldn’t help but love.

“What are you doing out here then?” he asked tentatively as he walked over towards Aaron and leaned his back against the wall next to him.

“Just needed to get out of there,” was all Aaron said before he turned his gaze away from Robert and back down to the ground.

“I haven’t talked to you since the verdict,” Robert suddenly blurted out. It had only been a couple of hours, but he already missed having Aaron to talk to. He had become so used to having Aaron around lately that the thought of him not being there was unbearable.

“I’ve had a lot on my mind,” Aaron shrugged.

 _I know_ , Robert wanted to say. He completely understood that Aaron might need some space, and he wanted to be able to give Aaron everything he wanted. But then there was the selfish part of him that wanted to know what exactly had been going through Aaron’s mind. What he had been thinking of for the last few hours. He wanted to make it all okey. To make all of Aaron’s problems disappear, even though he knew it was next to impossible.

“Like what?” he just ended up saying.

Aaron just shrugged again and stayed silent for what felt like an eternity. Robert wasn’t really expecting him to answer, but he had hoped that Aaron would be comfortable enough around him by now to be able to confide in him about whatever it was that was bothering him.

“You know you can tell me anything,” Robert pushed. He didn’t want to overwhelm Aaron or push him away, but sometimes Aaron needed a little shove in the right direction.

Aaron didn’t bite, though. He just nodded and stayed silent, still looking down to the ground. But it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence anymore. It was peaceful, and hopefully that’s how Aaron felt as well.

After a few minutes Aaron suddenly spoke. “You wanna go for a walk?”

Robert needed a few seconds to readjust himself before giving Aaron a careful smile as he nodded. For a minute there he thought Aaron had forgotten he was even there.

“Where to?”

“Dunno,” Aaron shrugged. “I just need to get out of here.”

Robert silently followed Aaron as he started walking towards the woods. They ended up right next to each other, walking in the same rhythm with a comfortable silence still surrounding them. But Robert was still worried. He could sense that there was still something grating on Aaron’s mind and he needed no make sure that he was going to be okay. He needed Aaron to know that he could tell Robert anything. That he needed to let out whatever it was that was bothering him in order to make it better.

Eventually they ended up in a clearing and Aaron went to sit down on the first tree stump he could find. Robert just stood there, though, and looked on as Aaron was basking in the sunset that was barely visible through the trees surrounding them. He was beautiful. Robert almost had to laugh at how cliché his feelings were, but Aaron truly looked more beautiful than ever before.

Every time he saw Aaron, he was more beautiful than the last time, and whenever he saw him Robert’s stomach would still make somersaults. He wondered how long those feelings would last, though. He knew he would never be able to stop loving Aaron, but surely those fluttering, smitten feelings were bound to settle down eventually. But it had been over a year now and the feeling were still increasing as the days went by.

“So, you gonna tell me why we’re here then?” Robert finally said and ended their comfortable silence.

“I just needed to get away for a bit.”

“So you said,” Robert nodded, but he still kept a firm glance at Aaron, letting him know that he won’t accept Aaron’s avoidances anymore.

Aaron eventually sighed and shook his head, clearly giving up the undeclared battle. “I just can’t stand seeing everyone so happy when I’m-” he stopped abruptly, looking away from Robert as if he was trying to hide the tears that were forming in his eyes, but Robert knew him better than that. And Aaron should know by now that he didn’t have to hide his tears from him.

“When you’re what?” he prodded, grabbing Aaron’s arm and touching him for the first time today. Aaron turned his head back towards Robert, tears streaming down his face as he let out another sigh.

“When I’m _not_ ,” he barely whispered.

Robert just nodded and started rubbing his hand comfortably up and down Aaron’s arm.

“I know this must all be very overwhelming,” Robert said, but he was suddenly at a loss for words.

“It’s not that, it’s just-” Aaron turned his head away again, seeming as lost for words as Robert was. Then he turned back around and said “it didn’t change anything.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought-” Aaron let out a slow, shaky breath and wiped his tears with the sleeve of his suit jacket before continuing. “I thought it would help.”

Robert still didn’t fully understand what Aaron was trying to say, but he stayed quiet and kept a comforting hand on Aaron’s arm as he waited for Aaron to continue.

“I thought him going down would make things better. I thought it would make _me_ better. But it didn’t. Nothing changed. The memories are still as clear as they were before. The pain is the same… I just wanted it to get better.”

“And it will,” Robert insisted, stepping closer to Aaron and draping his arm around him. “You just need to give it some time. I promise you Aaron, it will get better. You’ll be happier than you've ever been before.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. I’ll make sure of it.”

Aaron laughed at that, and Robert couldn’t help letting out a chuckle as well. He knew what he was saying was cheesy, but it was the truth, and he needed Aaron to hear it. He needed Aaron to know that he had his whole future ahead of him now. That he was going to be happy again. Robert really _would_ make sure of it, whether that happiness involved Robert or not, he was going to make sure that Aaron would finally get the happiness he deserved.

They spent a long time just sitting there in the clearing in the woods, watching the sun go down and the sky fade into darkness. By the time they were back in the village it was pitch black outside. It was late, maybe even past midnight.

“Thanks for today,” Aaron said as they were stood outside the back door at the Woolpack. He gave Robert the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, granted every smile Aaron gave him was the most beautiful he had ever seen.

“Anytime,” Robert smiled back.

Then Aaron stepped closer, and before Robert could even comprehend what was happening, Aaron had kissed him. It was over as soon as it had begun, but it was unmistakable. _Aaron had kissed him._

Then he smiled again, the most beautiful smile Robert had ever seen. Robert was speechless. He wanted to say something, _do something_ , but he couldn’t move. He wasn’t even sure if he was breathing.

“Happy birthday,” Aaron said, still smiling, and before Robert could even think of a response, Aaron had turned around and walked back inside.

Before he knew it, Robert was standing there alone. Outside in the car park, smiling like an idiot.

_Aaron had kissed him._

Maybe turning 30 wasn’t so scary after all.


End file.
